What is America?

We had the presidential election yesterday. Donald Trump has been elected as the new president of the United States. It feels so unreal, but I am so glad that the majority of the political mess and banter seems to be over with. So many seem to be hurting today because Trump won- but it would be the same if Clinton had won too. Our country is so divided, and it is awful to try and talk to anyone about it anymore.

Part of what hurts me so much are the absolutes that everyone seems to deal in. 'The other side is wrong because of this, or their side is wrong because of that. All Clinton supporters are liars, or all Trump supporters are racists and bigots'. Nobody gives anyone a chance to tell their side anymore. We blame each other, and assume that our position is right (because we researched it of course), without ever taking the time to sit down and really understand what the person on the other side of that comment is thinking and feeling- what that human being might be emotionally enduring. In part because we live in a world that is majorly expressed through status updates and pictures, we are detached from one another, and we seem to have forgotten how to love each other and recognize one another as people. We are individuals with stories and backgrounds, families and beliefs, history and emotion. We have lost the capacity to remember the purpose of America, a nation founded under God.

I ache for our country. I ache for how divided we feel in a nation that is supposed to stand united. I would never wish for the pain and fear that 9/11 brought to our country, but I do yearn for the unity and support and outpouring of love that followed that event so many years ago. I hate to think that only a tragedy such as that would humble us enough to listen and turn to each other regardless of what we look like, or what we do for a living, or what we choose to believe. 

We are Americans. We belong together, and I am exhausted from watching that fall apart.

Learning love

Remember this post? Where I ranted about commitment?

Since then I have found the man of my dreams. Someone who doesn't just talk, but also does. He works hard, and gives me surprises of things that I love, and listens to me, and tells me I am beautiful, and I know that he means it. And being married to him is so much better than I ever imagined. 

Real-life love is different. Real-life love feels different. There is something about it that isn't what you think it's going to be. 

“You have to promise you won't fall in love with me.” 

-A Walk To Remember

Love is portrayed in movies, and songs, and on TV. Love there is passionate, and wild. There are angry fights, and then they make up. They try to portray the conflict that will inevitably arise, and they try to portray the hardship and the trials. That love seemed real to me. It wasn't perfect, and I knew that love never would be, but I longed for it. 

“They didn’t agree on much. In fact, they didn’t agree on anything. They fought all the time and challenged each other ever day. But despite their differences, they had one important thing in common. They were crazy about each other.” 

-The Notebook

I love the way Noah and Ali's story works out in 'The Notebook'. 

I love the way Landon and Jaime come together in 'A Walk to Remember', and he turns his entire life around because he falls in love with her, even though he knows she is sick. 

I love the way 'P.S I love You' shows the love a couple can carry even after death, and how you can move on and still find life and love. 

I fell in love with how imperfectly perfect love seemed to be. Logically I knew what I wanted, but it wasn't until I got married that I realized that love was different. Love is all of those things that I wanted, and even more. The thing about real-life love is there just aren't words. And I know that sounds cliche. All that,  "I couldn't be happier" and "he makes so happy" and all that other mushy stuff. The thing about real-life love, is that even the most poetic prose can't capture the dedication and the feeling. The true emotion you feel in your chest when you are disappointed or anxious or just flat out in love that you couldn't be happier. The pillow talk and the adventures and the passion and the conflict. The dynamics of real-life love are so intricate, that there isn't a way to explore all the facets without being directly involved. 

Just the fact that I'm going into such depth to explain how something so wonderful is in-explainable, is a contradiction to the idea itself. 

So though I still love a good chick flick, and I love the love and the romance and everything that comes with it in the movies, I prefer the real thing. I'm thrilled to have more than a lifetime to learn love. 

Cuh-Razy

This last week was cuh-razy. Crazy long. Crazy busy. Crazy beautiful. Just straight up crazy. I did a lot of things, and well... didn't do a lot of things.

But amongst all the things I did (and didn't) do, I also want to share with you a full circle view of the other things that I learned about myself, that I think you could benefit from.

Mentally: I need a clean apartment. I like to do homework, well, at home. It's my space where no one can really bother me. But if there are dishes in the sink, or clothes on the floor- not gonna happen. Nope. Nada. Not a chance. If I'm going to clear my brain, I need to clear my house.

Physical: I bike to school, so this week I had to take it back to the mission. I learned that biking in a skirt is the worst. I learned that if your skirt is too long it gets caught in the gears. If it's too short it rides up to an uncomfortable point just above your knee, and you have to pray the entire time that no one is really paying that close of attention- while you frantically steer with one hand and hold your skirt down with the other.

Emotional: (This one is my favorite). It's important to take time to be in the moment. I have lists and lists of things I need to do.  The "this is what must be done today" list. And the "here is what should be done sometime this week" list. Lists for goals, menus, cleaning, grocery lists, letters to write, people to pray for, things to buy, on and on and on. But what happens is then I think about those lists. Hanging out with friends, *thinking about what I still need to to that day*. Date with my husband *the dishes still aren't clean*. Working on homework *I know there's an email I forgot to send... have I called my mom this week?*
Can you see why I'm a bit of a wreck sometimes (crazy)? I'm learning to take things one step at a time. It will be okay, and things will get done. And it is important that when I'm with my husband, I'm actually with my husband. And when I'm doing homework, I can focus because I'm not worried about something else that I haven't done yet. It's impossible to do all the things at once, and that's okay.

Spiritual: Take a break during the day, and find peace in the scriptures. I know that everyone has their different routine for when to read, but this week mine was to stop at lunchtime. It's easy for my day to get a little overwhelming, so 45 minutes to refuel my spiritually and relax my brain is the best mid-day medicine a person can get.


So if this busy girl with a crazy schedule can find a moment to learn a few new things.... well, I think you know the rest.

Dear Husband

Dear Husband,

This week was very up-and-down. I had a really rough start, but you have been so patient.
Thank you for doing the things that mean so much to me. I love that you know how much I love the romantic things.

Like when you surprised me and bought salami and cheese and Martinelli's and we had lunch in the Garden's on campus to smooth Jazz music.
And held me while I cried- or refused to cry even though we both knew I needed to.
And the next day you bought daisies. My favorite.
And when you went on a bro-date and got pedicures, you knew I would be a teensy bit disappointed if your toes weren't painted. So you came back with them painted camo. And I laughed so hard.
And on your lunch break you made the bed I didn't have time to get to. And swept the floor. And even got all your dishes in the sink.
And supported me when I decided to quit my internship.
And thought to pause for a moment and let me know that you noticed I was doing better, and how proud you were that I was being so productive. You have no idea how much that means to me.
And I am so grateful that you are the worthy priesthood holder I always dreamed of marrying. And the hard worker that can support our family (and my sweet tooth).

You are my Hero.

Love,
Your Wife.

Another one of those posts

Here is another one of those posts where I promise to write regularly.

Another post where I explain that for a class I want to really do this. I want to really be good at posting, and having awesome posts, and all sorts of things, so I'm making it a part of my grade.
Another post where I want to feel accountable to all my readers (thanks Mom!), so that I'll actually do something.
I want to explain to you that my goal is to write on Thursdays, sleep on it, review, and publish on Fridays. (See? It's a Friday. I'm getting a good start so far). I want to explain that I will look for typos, and spend time brainstorming. I will write about more, than just these 'I'm sorry, I promise to do better' posts.

But that's kind of boring all-in-all. So concisely: I'm determined to get really good at this. Yell at me if I don't.

Thanks.

Brainstorming.

So, I told you a couple months ago that I was working on stories. I was going to take videos, and I was going to practice, and all sorts of things. I have officially published one. There is currently another one being uploaded, so while I wait I figured I would come here. At this point I just need to write... something.

I have been struggling with what stories to tell. When I started this project I had all sorts of ideas. Interesting things were happening, even if they weren't all a big deal. I had things I wanted to tell and talk about.

And then I started work.

Now, I love work. I work at a Brick Oven Restaurant and we have an absolute blast! I am busy, and I love that. I am surrounded by (mostly) happy people, and I love that too. But the only stories that are worth telling, generally happen in a span of 6.4 seconds as you run by someone in the interworkings of the kitchen. So they are the kind of stories that I like to tell my husband to make him smile at the end of the day, but not substantial enough to turn into a 3-5 minute video that someone would actually kind of care about.

Maybe I should start publishing the diaries of work once a week and it will be just a short conglomeration of stories? Or just learn how to better add detail and background to make those small stories more worth it? I don't know.

Then, sometimes the other stories are kind of sad. There is frustration, and heartbreak. I am a much better storyteller when I know that the story has a happy ending... and sometimes they don't. Maybe that's something I should work on too-- telling stories with emotions besides happy and enthusiastic and sometimes funny.

I guess I just worry about being a 'Debbie Downer'. I don't want to always whine or complain. I don't want to always talk about the hard things that are going on. But I also don't want to waste your time with things that just aren't worth your while, even though I might think they are funny.
But I guess that was sort of the point of this project, right? To learn what I'm good and not-so-good at, and then do something about it?

Well, I'm off to work (again). I'll let this simmer and hopefully something a little more exciting will happen tonight.

Work is Beautiful

So I realized part of my problem. I love blogging. And no, I guess that's not technically the problem. It's a good thing really. The problem, is that I am a busy woman, as most women are, and because I find myself busy running around doing things that 'need' to be done, I don't always save time for things that want to be done. So regardless of how much I love blogging, I don't make time to do it.

But what if blogging and telling stories and releasing feelings doesn't just want to be done, it needs to be done?

I want to feel productive with my hours, and though I know that blogging is productive, because I love it so much I forget that I can consider it productive. I forget that it is good for my health (and right now will even get me class credit!)

But I guess that's how work should be right? Doing something we love, so that it doesn't even feel like work?

That is beautiful.

Love Story-Song

Okay, so it's a few days late. But while working on this project I had fun, and I learned a few things.

1. I'm not very good at editing videos.
2. I don't ever want to edit movies/videos.
3. I don't like editing.
4. Editing takes a lot longer than I want it to.
5. I don't like editing.

But now that that is out of the way, here is a roughly edited version. Pay more attention to the song in the middle. That is the important part.

One or Two?

There is this funny sort of relationship between our bodies and souls. They are one unit- they are you. Yet there have been times in my life, that I can distinctly feel that they are different- two. It's hard to describe because as you know, they operate together. The soul needs the body as a sort of 'house', or else it is useless. You can't see or touch it... it is merely there, and we don't really know about it. But on the other hand the body, which acts as a 'house' for our soul, needs the soul. The body, by itself, is just a body. No movement. No life. No personality. Not really a person in fact. Just a body. 

So we understand that they are two separate entities that need each other. 

That my friend, is a really cool thing. Individually, the soul and the body don't seem to be worth a lot, or they can't do a lot. But together, they are life. Together they are beautiful. Together they create a perfect synergy. Together, they create you. And me. And every person that ever lived and ever will live. Together they are perfect. 

Usually, the two blend so stinkin' well that we don't even remember that there are two parts. But sometimes, for me lately, they are...different. My body wants to lay around. My body wants to get fat, and watch movies, and eat chocolate, and cuddle, and not do my hair. 

My soul wants adventure. My soul wants exercise, and health, and laughter, and structure. 

Body- food. Soul- self control. Body- sleep. Soul- activity.

They have daily battles- little conversations like this all of the time. My body wants to sleep for 10 hours, while my soul knows I only need 6 or 7. My body wants to eat out with my husband 8 times a week. My soul has a good time eating out, and needs the time with my husband just as much as my body, but it knows that I only need to eat at a restaurant maybe once a week. And I definitely don't need Krispy Kreme and a chocolate cake and ice cream and too much Dr. Pepper. (I still believe that Dr. Pepper and chocolate cake are good for the soul by the way. Just probably not every day *cough*cough*). My body wants movies. My soul needs exercise. 

I'm learning that there is a distinction between what our body wants and what our soul needs. And I'm learning that creating that distinction, and listening to the souls needs, will get you a lot farther in life than sitting on your body's butt. 

The body and soul work together- two separate entities that thrive with and need each other. A relationship we need to understand and foster. So while the two are one, one is two.