My Dearest Future Husband,
I've been thinking about you again lately. I hope that you are doing alright.
I hope that you are safe, and happy.
And if things are hard, i'm rooting for you to come out on top!
I've been dong a lot of learning in the last little while. I keep reminding myself that all the hard is going to be so worth it one day, when you are just 'husband', and not 'future husband'. I hope you remember that too. One day I will be 'wife' and not just 'future wife', and i will love you, and you will love me. and we will look back at this time in our lives, and wonder how we ever did it. and be glad that we went through what we did, to get us to where we are, but not wish to do it again.
that will be happy.
so anyways, i just wanted you to know that you inspire me. your hard work that i know you are doing. and your perseverance to choose the right, and to make sure that we find each other one day. even though i don't know who you are yet, you keep me going and make me want to be a better person.
so thank you.
love,
your future wife
ps- i pray for you
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
decisions. and prayer. and answers.
sometimes you have to make decisions that don't make sense, because they are right.
i feel like i was raised well, to know that sometimes you have to make decisions that are not always easy, but they are right. one time, when I was 16 or 17, i planned a dance for the youth in my area. about the same time that i started planning for the dance, our next door neighbors asked if i would stay the night at their house, all evening, and watch their kids for their anniversary. of course i said yes. then, about a week before the dance was supposed to happen, i realized that i had done something horrible.
i double booked myself.
That meant that now, i had to make a choice. Because i didn't have much notice, there wasn't resources for me to find someone to take my place in babysitting, besides the fact that they had asked me to help. whereas, even though of course my first choice to go and manage and enjoy the dance i had spent so much time planning, there were people i had worked closely with that i knew would be able to manage it without me. I prayed, and thought, and counseled... and eventually concluded that in this case, right was not easy. I had spent months planning this dance. It was olympic themed, and i spent hours working with a council of youth and leaders planning what relays we would do, and delegating who would be in charge of what. learning what our budget was, and putting together teams, and games, and decorations, and supplies. I was so eager to go and have a good time, and watch all of my hard work come together in the joy on the faces of my peers.
but with some prodding from my parents, and the spirit, i knew that i had signed up for too many things. i was obligated to babysit for my neighbor since that was the first thing i had signed up for.
i cried over that decision. it might seem petty now, but to 16-year-old me, it was sort of a big deal. i was devastated to not be able to go to this dance. but i knew that i had to do what was right.
Heavenly Father knows what we need. sometimes he gives us decisions between right and wrong. more and more, i believe that he gives us decisions between good, better, and best. sometimes it is easy to settle with what is good. and sometimes even what is better. but we need to keep an eye on what is best. striving for what is best is what will take us so much farther.
and sometimes those decisions that we make are not easy. they are not what we want. we have to be able to see what we want, and set it aside, so that we can make an effective decision- the best decision. the one that will most benefit us, and all those around us that might be effected... and you have to consider your future as well, and any possible consequences and outcomes.
i have done a lot of pondering this last week. a lot of thinking, and a lot of praying. prayer is so important. to know the difference between right and wrong. or between better and best. or to know what will make you the most happy. or just simply to know which way to care more. prayer will lead you to an answer. sometimes that answer comes immediately, and sometimes it comes through a lot of sweat and tears. lots, and lots of tears. and more prayers and hard work, plowing forward until God says that you have finally learned what you needed to. then sometimes he says yes, or no. sometimes he says what you want to hear, and sometimes he gives the answer you didn't want, or didn't expect. sometimes he had you wait so that an alternate route could be opened up that you didn't even know was possible. sometimes he just expects us to walk forward, and trust. trust that even though things are hard, it will all work out. trust that He knows more.
trust that He is there to strengthen, and comfort, and answer.
trust that He will never let you fall too far.
He won't give you more than you can handle without Him by your side.
trust that when you go through hard times, there is a purpose. always.
trust that he loves you. He knows you.
He wants you to succeed.
trust that he trusts you.
And when we follow promptings that we receive, even when they don't makes sense, or they seem difficult, we will always be right. It doesn't mean that the path won't be hard, but it does mean that you are walking with your Father in Heaven by your side, and that He is proud of you. It does mean that you will be happier in the end, and that you can succeed and grow and learn and develop into the person that He has planned for you to become. Our trials are tailored specifically to us and our individual needs. There is no decision that we have to make that isn't necessary. no hurt that wasn't vital to our progress.
I am so grateful for a Father that I know cares for me. A Father that I know I can trust.
i feel like i was raised well, to know that sometimes you have to make decisions that are not always easy, but they are right. one time, when I was 16 or 17, i planned a dance for the youth in my area. about the same time that i started planning for the dance, our next door neighbors asked if i would stay the night at their house, all evening, and watch their kids for their anniversary. of course i said yes. then, about a week before the dance was supposed to happen, i realized that i had done something horrible.
i double booked myself.
That meant that now, i had to make a choice. Because i didn't have much notice, there wasn't resources for me to find someone to take my place in babysitting, besides the fact that they had asked me to help. whereas, even though of course my first choice to go and manage and enjoy the dance i had spent so much time planning, there were people i had worked closely with that i knew would be able to manage it without me. I prayed, and thought, and counseled... and eventually concluded that in this case, right was not easy. I had spent months planning this dance. It was olympic themed, and i spent hours working with a council of youth and leaders planning what relays we would do, and delegating who would be in charge of what. learning what our budget was, and putting together teams, and games, and decorations, and supplies. I was so eager to go and have a good time, and watch all of my hard work come together in the joy on the faces of my peers.
but with some prodding from my parents, and the spirit, i knew that i had signed up for too many things. i was obligated to babysit for my neighbor since that was the first thing i had signed up for.
i cried over that decision. it might seem petty now, but to 16-year-old me, it was sort of a big deal. i was devastated to not be able to go to this dance. but i knew that i had to do what was right.
Heavenly Father knows what we need. sometimes he gives us decisions between right and wrong. more and more, i believe that he gives us decisions between good, better, and best. sometimes it is easy to settle with what is good. and sometimes even what is better. but we need to keep an eye on what is best. striving for what is best is what will take us so much farther.
and sometimes those decisions that we make are not easy. they are not what we want. we have to be able to see what we want, and set it aside, so that we can make an effective decision- the best decision. the one that will most benefit us, and all those around us that might be effected... and you have to consider your future as well, and any possible consequences and outcomes.
i have done a lot of pondering this last week. a lot of thinking, and a lot of praying. prayer is so important. to know the difference between right and wrong. or between better and best. or to know what will make you the most happy. or just simply to know which way to care more. prayer will lead you to an answer. sometimes that answer comes immediately, and sometimes it comes through a lot of sweat and tears. lots, and lots of tears. and more prayers and hard work, plowing forward until God says that you have finally learned what you needed to. then sometimes he says yes, or no. sometimes he says what you want to hear, and sometimes he gives the answer you didn't want, or didn't expect. sometimes he had you wait so that an alternate route could be opened up that you didn't even know was possible. sometimes he just expects us to walk forward, and trust. trust that even though things are hard, it will all work out. trust that He knows more.
trust that He is there to strengthen, and comfort, and answer.
trust that He will never let you fall too far.
He won't give you more than you can handle without Him by your side.
trust that when you go through hard times, there is a purpose. always.
trust that he loves you. He knows you.
He wants you to succeed.
trust that he trusts you.
And when we follow promptings that we receive, even when they don't makes sense, or they seem difficult, we will always be right. It doesn't mean that the path won't be hard, but it does mean that you are walking with your Father in Heaven by your side, and that He is proud of you. It does mean that you will be happier in the end, and that you can succeed and grow and learn and develop into the person that He has planned for you to become. Our trials are tailored specifically to us and our individual needs. There is no decision that we have to make that isn't necessary. no hurt that wasn't vital to our progress.
I am so grateful for a Father that I know cares for me. A Father that I know I can trust.
Friday, December 26, 2014
coming home is beautiful
i am so beyond blessed to have these lovelies as my siblings.
being home for Christmas is the absolute best :)
the noise and the mess. the laughter and the games. and the music. oh, the music!! someone is always singing, or playing something. i fell in love again.
And home for the holidays? talk about a sugar rush... and sugar coma. cookies and other sweets galore. my mother knows how to take care of a 'starving' college student. (lets just say i'm not looking forward to going back to refried beans and chips with hot sauce for dinner...)
the hugs and the cuddling and the surprise attack kisses.
the reading and praying together every night.
the dates and adventures.
i missed all of it.
here's a glimpse into the beauty:
Monday, December 22, 2014
a conglomoration of song lyrics that might sort of start to express emotions i experience
It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back when you call me
No need to say goodbye
Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye
-Regina Spektor, The Call
I'm 22 for a moment
And she feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
-Five for Fighting, 100 years
Gotta get a little life on ya
Ain't always pretty,
Gonna get a little dirty
Gotta get a little life on ya
-Danny Gokey, Life on Ya
And so I thought I'd let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
So if you want to be with me
With these things there's no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I'd rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me
-Bright Eyes, First Day of My Life
'Cause we're young and we're reckless
We'll take this way too far
It'll leave you breathless
Or with a nasty scar
-Taylor Swift, Blank Space
I would love to fix it all for you
I would love to fix you too
Please don't fix a thing whatever you do
These bruises make for better conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to know you've got a friend
That you remember now and then
Everybody loses
-Train, Bruises
And when you dream, dream big,
As big as the ocean, blue.
'Cause when you dream it might come true.
But when you dream, dream big.
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back when you call me
No need to say goodbye
Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye
-Regina Spektor, The Call
I'm 22 for a moment
And she feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
-Five for Fighting, 100 years
Gotta get a little life on ya
Ain't always pretty,
Gonna get a little dirty
Gotta get a little life on ya
-Danny Gokey, Life on Ya
And so I thought I'd let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
So if you want to be with me
With these things there's no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I'd rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me
-Bright Eyes, First Day of My Life
'Cause we're young and we're reckless
We'll take this way too far
It'll leave you breathless
Or with a nasty scar
-Taylor Swift, Blank Space
I would love to fix it all for you
I would love to fix you too
Please don't fix a thing whatever you do
These bruises make for better conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to know you've got a friend
That you remember now and then
Everybody loses
-Train, Bruises
When you cry, be sure to dry your eyes,
'Cause better days are sure to come.
And when you smile, be sure to smile wide,
And don't let them know that they have won.
And when you walk, walk with pride,
And don't show the hurt inside,
Because the pain will soon be gone.
'Cause better days are sure to come.
And when you smile, be sure to smile wide,
And don't let them know that they have won.
And when you walk, walk with pride,
And don't show the hurt inside,
Because the pain will soon be gone.
And when you laugh, be sure to laugh out loud,
'Cause it will carry all your cares away.
And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself,
And it will help you feel okay.
And when you pray, pray for strength to help to carry on,
But when the troubles come your way.
'Cause it will carry all your cares away.
And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself,
And it will help you feel okay.
And when you pray, pray for strength to help to carry on,
But when the troubles come your way.
And when you dream, dream big,
As big as the ocean, blue.
'Cause when you dream it might come true.
But when you dream, dream big.
-Ryan Shupe, Dream Big
to put something here
i keep coming here to write, and never knowing what i need to put down. sometimes i write, and i get out the emotion inside me, and i feel relieved, but it's then too personal to publish.
and i want to write and feel the satisfaction of publishing.
my life the last few weeks has been.... all over. back and forth. back a forth. my emotions are a wreck. time is a blur. sometimes i feel like each day goes too fast, and then i look back at the week and and i'm sure someone crammed in 5 extra days to throw me off as a joke.
sometimes it's hard to talk about everything with someone, because when i say the words, i feel committed to them. that because i said i feel a certain way, i suddenly have to always feel that way. but in reality, i feel like things can shift from day to day. hour to hour. i don't even always have the words to say what i'm experiencing.
everything feels more and more unpredictable. the world is unpredictable. i'm unpredictable.
i think that is part of what is more frustrating. that i can't predict myself anymore.
but overall, things are so good. i am such a blessed woman.
i have a job, and income is always a good thing.
i get to be with my family for the holidays. that is a huge blessing, and makes me happier than i can describe.
my friends are the coolest. they do cool things like carol to me at work, and let me know when they miss me.
it's Christmas time, and i can't think of a happier time of year. i love the music, and the giving, joyful feeling that fills the air. i love the presents under the tree, and the baking my mother does. (you can't really say no to unlimited cookies and goodies and homemade caramels and meals you don't have to make...). i love the lights, and especially the reason for the season. #sharethegift
"i am an optimist! i do see the glass as half full. it's just that it's full of eggnog...which i hate."
-a woman quoting her husband at church
and i want to write and feel the satisfaction of publishing.
my life the last few weeks has been.... all over. back and forth. back a forth. my emotions are a wreck. time is a blur. sometimes i feel like each day goes too fast, and then i look back at the week and and i'm sure someone crammed in 5 extra days to throw me off as a joke.
sometimes it's hard to talk about everything with someone, because when i say the words, i feel committed to them. that because i said i feel a certain way, i suddenly have to always feel that way. but in reality, i feel like things can shift from day to day. hour to hour. i don't even always have the words to say what i'm experiencing.
everything feels more and more unpredictable. the world is unpredictable. i'm unpredictable.
i think that is part of what is more frustrating. that i can't predict myself anymore.
but overall, things are so good. i am such a blessed woman.
i have a job, and income is always a good thing.
i get to be with my family for the holidays. that is a huge blessing, and makes me happier than i can describe.
my friends are the coolest. they do cool things like carol to me at work, and let me know when they miss me.
it's Christmas time, and i can't think of a happier time of year. i love the music, and the giving, joyful feeling that fills the air. i love the presents under the tree, and the baking my mother does. (you can't really say no to unlimited cookies and goodies and homemade caramels and meals you don't have to make...). i love the lights, and especially the reason for the season. #sharethegift
"i am an optimist! i do see the glass as half full. it's just that it's full of eggnog...which i hate."
-a woman quoting her husband at church
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