Learning love

Remember this post? Where I ranted about commitment?

Since then I have found the man of my dreams. Someone who doesn't just talk, but also does. He works hard, and gives me surprises of things that I love, and listens to me, and tells me I am beautiful, and I know that he means it. And being married to him is so much better than I ever imagined. 

Real-life love is different. Real-life love feels different. There is something about it that isn't what you think it's going to be. 

“You have to promise you won't fall in love with me.” 

-A Walk To Remember

Love is portrayed in movies, and songs, and on TV. Love there is passionate, and wild. There are angry fights, and then they make up. They try to portray the conflict that will inevitably arise, and they try to portray the hardship and the trials. That love seemed real to me. It wasn't perfect, and I knew that love never would be, but I longed for it. 

“They didn’t agree on much. In fact, they didn’t agree on anything. They fought all the time and challenged each other ever day. But despite their differences, they had one important thing in common. They were crazy about each other.” 

-The Notebook

I love the way Noah and Ali's story works out in 'The Notebook'. 

I love the way Landon and Jaime come together in 'A Walk to Remember', and he turns his entire life around because he falls in love with her, even though he knows she is sick. 

I love the way 'P.S I love You' shows the love a couple can carry even after death, and how you can move on and still find life and love. 

I fell in love with how imperfectly perfect love seemed to be. Logically I knew what I wanted, but it wasn't until I got married that I realized that love was different. Love is all of those things that I wanted, and even more. The thing about real-life love is there just aren't words. And I know that sounds cliche. All that,  "I couldn't be happier" and "he makes so happy" and all that other mushy stuff. The thing about real-life love, is that even the most poetic prose can't capture the dedication and the feeling. The true emotion you feel in your chest when you are disappointed or anxious or just flat out in love that you couldn't be happier. The pillow talk and the adventures and the passion and the conflict. The dynamics of real-life love are so intricate, that there isn't a way to explore all the facets without being directly involved. 

Just the fact that I'm going into such depth to explain how something so wonderful is in-explainable, is a contradiction to the idea itself. 

So though I still love a good chick flick, and I love the love and the romance and everything that comes with it in the movies, I prefer the real thing. I'm thrilled to have more than a lifetime to learn love. 

Cuh-Razy

This last week was cuh-razy. Crazy long. Crazy busy. Crazy beautiful. Just straight up crazy. I did a lot of things, and well... didn't do a lot of things.

But amongst all the things I did (and didn't) do, I also want to share with you a full circle view of the other things that I learned about myself, that I think you could benefit from.

Mentally: I need a clean apartment. I like to do homework, well, at home. It's my space where no one can really bother me. But if there are dishes in the sink, or clothes on the floor- not gonna happen. Nope. Nada. Not a chance. If I'm going to clear my brain, I need to clear my house.

Physical: I bike to school, so this week I had to take it back to the mission. I learned that biking in a skirt is the worst. I learned that if your skirt is too long it gets caught in the gears. If it's too short it rides up to an uncomfortable point just above your knee, and you have to pray the entire time that no one is really paying that close of attention- while you frantically steer with one hand and hold your skirt down with the other.

Emotional: (This one is my favorite). It's important to take time to be in the moment. I have lists and lists of things I need to do.  The "this is what must be done today" list. And the "here is what should be done sometime this week" list. Lists for goals, menus, cleaning, grocery lists, letters to write, people to pray for, things to buy, on and on and on. But what happens is then I think about those lists. Hanging out with friends, *thinking about what I still need to to that day*. Date with my husband *the dishes still aren't clean*. Working on homework *I know there's an email I forgot to send... have I called my mom this week?*
Can you see why I'm a bit of a wreck sometimes (crazy)? I'm learning to take things one step at a time. It will be okay, and things will get done. And it is important that when I'm with my husband, I'm actually with my husband. And when I'm doing homework, I can focus because I'm not worried about something else that I haven't done yet. It's impossible to do all the things at once, and that's okay.

Spiritual: Take a break during the day, and find peace in the scriptures. I know that everyone has their different routine for when to read, but this week mine was to stop at lunchtime. It's easy for my day to get a little overwhelming, so 45 minutes to refuel my spiritually and relax my brain is the best mid-day medicine a person can get.


So if this busy girl with a crazy schedule can find a moment to learn a few new things.... well, I think you know the rest.

Dear Husband

Dear Husband,

This week was very up-and-down. I had a really rough start, but you have been so patient.
Thank you for doing the things that mean so much to me. I love that you know how much I love the romantic things.

Like when you surprised me and bought salami and cheese and Martinelli's and we had lunch in the Garden's on campus to smooth Jazz music.
And held me while I cried- or refused to cry even though we both knew I needed to.
And the next day you bought daisies. My favorite.
And when you went on a bro-date and got pedicures, you knew I would be a teensy bit disappointed if your toes weren't painted. So you came back with them painted camo. And I laughed so hard.
And on your lunch break you made the bed I didn't have time to get to. And swept the floor. And even got all your dishes in the sink.
And supported me when I decided to quit my internship.
And thought to pause for a moment and let me know that you noticed I was doing better, and how proud you were that I was being so productive. You have no idea how much that means to me.
And I am so grateful that you are the worthy priesthood holder I always dreamed of marrying. And the hard worker that can support our family (and my sweet tooth).

You are my Hero.

Love,
Your Wife.

Another one of those posts

Here is another one of those posts where I promise to write regularly.

Another post where I explain that for a class I want to really do this. I want to really be good at posting, and having awesome posts, and all sorts of things, so I'm making it a part of my grade.
Another post where I want to feel accountable to all my readers (thanks Mom!), so that I'll actually do something.
I want to explain to you that my goal is to write on Thursdays, sleep on it, review, and publish on Fridays. (See? It's a Friday. I'm getting a good start so far). I want to explain that I will look for typos, and spend time brainstorming. I will write about more, than just these 'I'm sorry, I promise to do better' posts.

But that's kind of boring all-in-all. So concisely: I'm determined to get really good at this. Yell at me if I don't.

Thanks.

Brainstorming.

So, I told you a couple months ago that I was working on stories. I was going to take videos, and I was going to practice, and all sorts of things. I have officially published one. There is currently another one being uploaded, so while I wait I figured I would come here. At this point I just need to write... something.

I have been struggling with what stories to tell. When I started this project I had all sorts of ideas. Interesting things were happening, even if they weren't all a big deal. I had things I wanted to tell and talk about.

And then I started work.

Now, I love work. I work at a Brick Oven Restaurant and we have an absolute blast! I am busy, and I love that. I am surrounded by (mostly) happy people, and I love that too. But the only stories that are worth telling, generally happen in a span of 6.4 seconds as you run by someone in the interworkings of the kitchen. So they are the kind of stories that I like to tell my husband to make him smile at the end of the day, but not substantial enough to turn into a 3-5 minute video that someone would actually kind of care about.

Maybe I should start publishing the diaries of work once a week and it will be just a short conglomeration of stories? Or just learn how to better add detail and background to make those small stories more worth it? I don't know.

Then, sometimes the other stories are kind of sad. There is frustration, and heartbreak. I am a much better storyteller when I know that the story has a happy ending... and sometimes they don't. Maybe that's something I should work on too-- telling stories with emotions besides happy and enthusiastic and sometimes funny.

I guess I just worry about being a 'Debbie Downer'. I don't want to always whine or complain. I don't want to always talk about the hard things that are going on. But I also don't want to waste your time with things that just aren't worth your while, even though I might think they are funny.
But I guess that was sort of the point of this project, right? To learn what I'm good and not-so-good at, and then do something about it?

Well, I'm off to work (again). I'll let this simmer and hopefully something a little more exciting will happen tonight.