Dear Failure,

If you're reading this, that means you. I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's the reality of life.
You are a failure- and that's a good thing!

I was reading my Mom's blog this morning, and This Post really struck me. She writes about how she didn't realize how tough she was until she accomplished a half marathon. She also realized how not just physically, but mentally, there was a lot of work that went into reaching that accomplishment.

We hear that 'you are tougher than you think' and 'you can do hard things'. And I believe firmly that we are and that we can! Our bodies and our minds are capable of some seriously incredible tasks! People run distances I can't fathom running, make technological advances my brain can't begin to understand, and so much more. I am currently working towards a goal of birthing my first child naturally in a couple months- something that my body is built to do, which I find simply amazing!

But something that I want to make sure we get a grasp on, is that these 'hard things' don't take place immediately. My body is capable of birthing a baby without medication (and probably running a half marathon too), but not now. I need to study, mentally prepare, and do physical exercises to prepare my body and brain to accomplish this daunting task. Doing hard things, means work- and time, and effort, and sacrifice, and more work.

Doing hard things means progression.

When you were born, could you have fathomed it, running would have seemed really difficult- that's why you rolled, then scooted, then crawled, stood, walked, fell a lot, and eventually after a long time and a lot of failing, you were able to run. It works the same in adulthood- your body isn't going to just run a marathon or birth a baby or create the newest technological invention today. But after a lot of work, and lots of small steps, and lots of failing, You. Are. Capable.

So get started! Dream BIG and do HARD THINGS. Don't be afraid to start and don't be afraid to fail, because when you finally finish and look back, you will be amazed at the ground that you have covered and everything you have accomplished, despite your failures! You CAN do hard things. And you CAN do more than you think you are capable of. Just don't consider yourself completely inadequate when those things don't happen as soon as you hope and expect. Small failures are good things, but they don't define your character as a whole.

"The discipline you learn and character you build from setting and achieving a goal can be more valuable than the achievement of the goal itself."

-Bo Bennett

Sincerely,
A Fellow Failure

Cuh-Razy

This last week was cuh-razy. Crazy long. Crazy busy. Crazy beautiful. Just straight up crazy. I did a lot of things, and well... didn't do a lot of things.

But amongst all the things I did (and didn't) do, I also want to share with you a full circle view of the other things that I learned about myself, that I think you could benefit from.

Mentally: I need a clean apartment. I like to do homework, well, at home. It's my space where no one can really bother me. But if there are dishes in the sink, or clothes on the floor- not gonna happen. Nope. Nada. Not a chance. If I'm going to clear my brain, I need to clear my house.

Physical: I bike to school, so this week I had to take it back to the mission. I learned that biking in a skirt is the worst. I learned that if your skirt is too long it gets caught in the gears. If it's too short it rides up to an uncomfortable point just above your knee, and you have to pray the entire time that no one is really paying that close of attention- while you frantically steer with one hand and hold your skirt down with the other.

Emotional: (This one is my favorite). It's important to take time to be in the moment. I have lists and lists of things I need to do.  The "this is what must be done today" list. And the "here is what should be done sometime this week" list. Lists for goals, menus, cleaning, grocery lists, letters to write, people to pray for, things to buy, on and on and on. But what happens is then I think about those lists. Hanging out with friends, *thinking about what I still need to to that day*. Date with my husband *the dishes still aren't clean*. Working on homework *I know there's an email I forgot to send... have I called my mom this week?*
Can you see why I'm a bit of a wreck sometimes (crazy)? I'm learning to take things one step at a time. It will be okay, and things will get done. And it is important that when I'm with my husband, I'm actually with my husband. And when I'm doing homework, I can focus because I'm not worried about something else that I haven't done yet. It's impossible to do all the things at once, and that's okay.

Spiritual: Take a break during the day, and find peace in the scriptures. I know that everyone has their different routine for when to read, but this week mine was to stop at lunchtime. It's easy for my day to get a little overwhelming, so 45 minutes to refuel my spiritually and relax my brain is the best mid-day medicine a person can get.


So if this busy girl with a crazy schedule can find a moment to learn a few new things.... well, I think you know the rest.

decisions. and prayer. and answers.

sometimes you have to make decisions that don't make sense, because they are right.
i feel like i was raised well, to know that sometimes you have to make decisions that are not always easy, but they are right. one time, when I was 16 or 17, i planned a dance for the youth in my area. about the same time that i started planning for the dance, our next door neighbors asked if i would stay the night at their house, all evening, and watch their kids for their anniversary. of course i said yes. then, about a week before the dance was supposed to happen, i realized that i had done something horrible.

i double booked myself.

That meant that now, i had to make a choice. Because i didn't have much notice, there wasn't resources for me to find someone to take my place in babysitting, besides the fact that they had asked me to help. whereas, even though of course my first choice to go and manage and enjoy the dance i had spent so much time planning, there were people i had worked closely with that i knew would be able to manage it without me. I prayed, and thought, and counseled... and eventually concluded that in this case, right was not easy. I had spent months planning this dance. It was olympic themed, and i spent hours working with a council of youth and leaders planning what relays we would do, and delegating who would be in charge of what. learning what our budget was, and putting together teams, and games, and decorations, and supplies. I was so eager to go and have a good time, and watch all of my hard work come together in the joy on the faces of my peers.
but with some prodding from my parents, and the spirit, i knew that i had signed up for too many things. i was obligated to babysit for my neighbor since that was the first thing i had signed up for.
i cried over that decision. it might seem petty now, but to 16-year-old me, it was sort of a big deal. i was devastated to not be able to go to this dance. but i knew that i had to do what was right.


Heavenly Father knows what we need. sometimes he gives us decisions between right and wrong. more and more, i believe that he gives us decisions between good, better, and best. sometimes it is easy to settle with what is good. and sometimes even what is better. but we need to keep an eye on what is best. striving for what is best is what will take us so much farther.

and sometimes those decisions that we make are not easy. they are not what we want. we have to be able to see what we want, and set it aside, so that we can make an effective decision- the best decision. the one that will most benefit us, and all those around us that might be effected... and you have to consider your future as well, and any possible consequences and outcomes.

i have done a lot of pondering this last week. a lot of thinking, and a lot of praying. prayer is so important. to know the difference between right and wrong. or between better and best. or to know what will make you the most happy. or just simply to know which way to care more. prayer will lead you to an answer. sometimes that answer comes immediately, and sometimes it comes through a lot of sweat and tears. lots, and lots of tears. and more prayers and hard work, plowing forward until God says that you have finally learned what you needed to. then sometimes he says yes, or no. sometimes he says what you want to hear, and sometimes he gives the answer you didn't want, or didn't expect. sometimes he had you wait so that an alternate route could be opened up that you didn't even know was possible. sometimes he just expects us to walk forward, and trust. trust that even though things are hard, it will all work out. trust that He knows more. 
trust that He is there to strengthen, and comfort, and answer. 
trust that He will never let you fall too far. 
He won't give you more than you can handle without Him by your side.
trust that when you go through hard times, there is a purpose. always. 
trust that he loves you. He knows you.
He wants you to succeed.
trust that he trusts you.

And when we follow promptings that we receive, even when they don't makes sense, or they seem difficult, we will always be right. It doesn't mean that the path won't be hard, but it does mean that you are walking with your Father in Heaven by your side, and that He is proud of you. It does mean that you will be happier in the end, and that you can succeed and grow and learn and develop into the person that He has planned for you to become. Our trials are tailored specifically to us and our individual needs. There is no decision that we have to make that isn't necessary. no hurt that wasn't vital to our progress.

I am so grateful for a Father that I know cares for me. A Father that I know I can trust.