What is America?

We had the presidential election yesterday. Donald Trump has been elected as the new president of the United States. It feels so unreal, but I am so glad that the majority of the political mess and banter seems to be over with. So many seem to be hurting today because Trump won- but it would be the same if Clinton had won too. Our country is so divided, and it is awful to try and talk to anyone about it anymore.

Part of what hurts me so much are the absolutes that everyone seems to deal in. 'The other side is wrong because of this, or their side is wrong because of that. All Clinton supporters are liars, or all Trump supporters are racists and bigots'. Nobody gives anyone a chance to tell their side anymore. We blame each other, and assume that our position is right (because we researched it of course), without ever taking the time to sit down and really understand what the person on the other side of that comment is thinking and feeling- what that human being might be emotionally enduring. In part because we live in a world that is majorly expressed through status updates and pictures, we are detached from one another, and we seem to have forgotten how to love each other and recognize one another as people. We are individuals with stories and backgrounds, families and beliefs, history and emotion. We have lost the capacity to remember the purpose of America, a nation founded under God.

I ache for our country. I ache for how divided we feel in a nation that is supposed to stand united. I would never wish for the pain and fear that 9/11 brought to our country, but I do yearn for the unity and support and outpouring of love that followed that event so many years ago. I hate to think that only a tragedy such as that would humble us enough to listen and turn to each other regardless of what we look like, or what we do for a living, or what we choose to believe. 

We are Americans. We belong together, and I am exhausted from watching that fall apart.

Learning to Trust Him

sometimes you have to learn to trust you Father in Heaven.

actually, all the time.

because sometimes, things are really hard. and sometimes you want to give up. and sometimes you want to throw a little pity party and eat all of the chocolate and mope around for a while and just be angry. because that's easier, and it feels like it will make you feel better. And sometimes you think that you know what you want. and because you think you know what you want, you make plans. and sometimes (usually) those plans fail. epically. and it's not pretty.




and then sometimes, you remember that your Heavenly Father loves you. and no, he didn't abandon you. He just let you make some mistakes because He loves you. He said that it was okay for you to throw a little temper tantrum for a while, and eat all of the chocolate, because He knew that you would be okay, and that you would come out stronger. Sometimes He has to remind you that you, indeed, are not in charge. And sometimes though He has to remind you that He is in charge, and that you were doing it all wrong, He still loves you. And He still wants the best for you.

Sometimes He sends you daily reminders that you are not forgotten. He sends you some incredible people in your life that make you smile, and lift you up, and help you be the best person you can be. Sometimes He sends you messages from old friends reminding you that you are loved and missed. Sometimes He helps give you the strength you need, or clearer answers to prayers, or good weather, or chocolate from someone you love, or a smile, or relief, or someone to talk to. Sometimes he gives you the opportunity to serve, or to be served, or a really good scripture study. He gives clarity and peace.

And when all of that finally comes, you forget to be mad that he waited so long to help you. because in reality, He was only waiting for you.

Waiting for you to learn, and grow, and come to Him.

decisions. and prayer. and answers.

sometimes you have to make decisions that don't make sense, because they are right.
i feel like i was raised well, to know that sometimes you have to make decisions that are not always easy, but they are right. one time, when I was 16 or 17, i planned a dance for the youth in my area. about the same time that i started planning for the dance, our next door neighbors asked if i would stay the night at their house, all evening, and watch their kids for their anniversary. of course i said yes. then, about a week before the dance was supposed to happen, i realized that i had done something horrible.

i double booked myself.

That meant that now, i had to make a choice. Because i didn't have much notice, there wasn't resources for me to find someone to take my place in babysitting, besides the fact that they had asked me to help. whereas, even though of course my first choice to go and manage and enjoy the dance i had spent so much time planning, there were people i had worked closely with that i knew would be able to manage it without me. I prayed, and thought, and counseled... and eventually concluded that in this case, right was not easy. I had spent months planning this dance. It was olympic themed, and i spent hours working with a council of youth and leaders planning what relays we would do, and delegating who would be in charge of what. learning what our budget was, and putting together teams, and games, and decorations, and supplies. I was so eager to go and have a good time, and watch all of my hard work come together in the joy on the faces of my peers.
but with some prodding from my parents, and the spirit, i knew that i had signed up for too many things. i was obligated to babysit for my neighbor since that was the first thing i had signed up for.
i cried over that decision. it might seem petty now, but to 16-year-old me, it was sort of a big deal. i was devastated to not be able to go to this dance. but i knew that i had to do what was right.


Heavenly Father knows what we need. sometimes he gives us decisions between right and wrong. more and more, i believe that he gives us decisions between good, better, and best. sometimes it is easy to settle with what is good. and sometimes even what is better. but we need to keep an eye on what is best. striving for what is best is what will take us so much farther.

and sometimes those decisions that we make are not easy. they are not what we want. we have to be able to see what we want, and set it aside, so that we can make an effective decision- the best decision. the one that will most benefit us, and all those around us that might be effected... and you have to consider your future as well, and any possible consequences and outcomes.

i have done a lot of pondering this last week. a lot of thinking, and a lot of praying. prayer is so important. to know the difference between right and wrong. or between better and best. or to know what will make you the most happy. or just simply to know which way to care more. prayer will lead you to an answer. sometimes that answer comes immediately, and sometimes it comes through a lot of sweat and tears. lots, and lots of tears. and more prayers and hard work, plowing forward until God says that you have finally learned what you needed to. then sometimes he says yes, or no. sometimes he says what you want to hear, and sometimes he gives the answer you didn't want, or didn't expect. sometimes he had you wait so that an alternate route could be opened up that you didn't even know was possible. sometimes he just expects us to walk forward, and trust. trust that even though things are hard, it will all work out. trust that He knows more. 
trust that He is there to strengthen, and comfort, and answer. 
trust that He will never let you fall too far. 
He won't give you more than you can handle without Him by your side.
trust that when you go through hard times, there is a purpose. always. 
trust that he loves you. He knows you.
He wants you to succeed.
trust that he trusts you.

And when we follow promptings that we receive, even when they don't makes sense, or they seem difficult, we will always be right. It doesn't mean that the path won't be hard, but it does mean that you are walking with your Father in Heaven by your side, and that He is proud of you. It does mean that you will be happier in the end, and that you can succeed and grow and learn and develop into the person that He has planned for you to become. Our trials are tailored specifically to us and our individual needs. There is no decision that we have to make that isn't necessary. no hurt that wasn't vital to our progress.

I am so grateful for a Father that I know cares for me. A Father that I know I can trust.

boys will be the death of me

so, i like to do a lot of things that i'm not good at

like, dancing. and sports. and basically all the things.
so i look like a klutzy idiot
but i have fun, so i usually participate anyways

sometimes, I know that being a klutzy idiot is not worth it, and i decide to sit on the sidelines

last week, was one of those time that i tried to be wiser, and not participate.
it was also the time that those who were participating decided that I had to participate.

so though I knew that a 12 mile hike would not be good for me, the boys made me go.

long story short, it rained. and i was a pansy. and i've been sitting in humid Georgia for a month, not hiking in the dry mountains of Wyoming. and we didn't make it to the top. maybe half way? maybe?...

one day i'll be fit enough to make it, because i'm sure it's beautiful, and definitely worth it.

Nic and David

Ethan and Tyler

 

See that little peak way up there?...

...that's the little peak that we had to hike to. Where i'm standing now is where we called it quits

love these guys!

So, even though I joke that the hike was only their plot to try and kill me, it really was a lot of fun.
And they were really good.
I needed to take a lot of breaks. (really, it was a lot) but they stopped and waited for me every time. even though i now they probably didn't want to
and when we crossed the streams, they helped me across so i didn't fall in
and when I needed to stop and realized i couldn't make it to the top, they went back with me. even though i know they didn't want to.

i have the best friends :)

it's okay

it's okay to let things into god's hands.
he knows what he's doing. he's got a handle on it.
he has a plan for you.

because you can't see the end, it seems hard.
but there IS a plan.
you just need to blindly follow it.
and blindly seems like a negative word,  but that's how it's supposed to be.

and i promise things will work out for the best if you do your part.
in all aspects of your life.