One or Two?

There is this funny sort of relationship between our bodies and souls. They are one unit- they are you. Yet there have been times in my life, that I can distinctly feel that they are different- two. It's hard to describe because as you know, they operate together. The soul needs the body as a sort of 'house', or else it is useless. You can't see or touch it... it is merely there, and we don't really know about it. But on the other hand the body, which acts as a 'house' for our soul, needs the soul. The body, by itself, is just a body. No movement. No life. No personality. Not really a person in fact. Just a body. 

So we understand that they are two separate entities that need each other. 

That my friend, is a really cool thing. Individually, the soul and the body don't seem to be worth a lot, or they can't do a lot. But together, they are life. Together they are beautiful. Together they create a perfect synergy. Together, they create you. And me. And every person that ever lived and ever will live. Together they are perfect. 

Usually, the two blend so stinkin' well that we don't even remember that there are two parts. But sometimes, for me lately, they are...different. My body wants to lay around. My body wants to get fat, and watch movies, and eat chocolate, and cuddle, and not do my hair. 

My soul wants adventure. My soul wants exercise, and health, and laughter, and structure. 

Body- food. Soul- self control. Body- sleep. Soul- activity.

They have daily battles- little conversations like this all of the time. My body wants to sleep for 10 hours, while my soul knows I only need 6 or 7. My body wants to eat out with my husband 8 times a week. My soul has a good time eating out, and needs the time with my husband just as much as my body, but it knows that I only need to eat at a restaurant maybe once a week. And I definitely don't need Krispy Kreme and a chocolate cake and ice cream and too much Dr. Pepper. (I still believe that Dr. Pepper and chocolate cake are good for the soul by the way. Just probably not every day *cough*cough*). My body wants movies. My soul needs exercise. 

I'm learning that there is a distinction between what our body wants and what our soul needs. And I'm learning that creating that distinction, and listening to the souls needs, will get you a lot farther in life than sitting on your body's butt. 

The body and soul work together- two separate entities that thrive with and need each other. A relationship we need to understand and foster. So while the two are one, one is two. 

I never knew it was you

Dear Future Husband,

I'm running out of time to write these letters to you. Because well, I found you.
All the waiting, wishing, praying... it's all finally coming together.

In a mere 31 days, you will be husband, and not just future husband.

I am so excited!

I have prayed for you. and about you. a lot.
I have tried to work hard and be my best self for you. for us.
Just know that I won't stop that.
I'm not perfect, but I'm working.
It's a little bit strange that it's all finally real.

But I think I'm ready.

I never thought it would be you. (We all know that that came as a bit of a surprise). But when I think about it, I always knew that that was how it was going to work. I have had conversations with my Father in Heaven, and He told me that I would marry my best friend. He told me to be patient, and He told me that it would be someone I didn't expect... and boy did he have that right. I definitely didn't see you coming into my life the way you did. But I am so, so grateful that you did.

I'm glad that you already know my family, and that I already love yours. I'm so grateful that we have worked so hard together, to make a long-distance relationship work. I love that we read the scriptures, and pray, and laugh and everything. You are always able to give me the love and dedication that I need, even when I know that life gets difficult.

I'm excited to see the adventures we're going to go on. I'm excited to see you be a dad. I'm excited to be poor college students, and to do hard things together.

Thank you for being you. I love you.

Love,
Your (thrilled) future wife

Fishes Grant Wishes

Sometimes you have to give a speech in class on an experience. And sometimes you decide to talk about something gross. and something fun. and something... romantic?

Finding Beautiful

Every girl wants to feel beautiful. It's a part of who we are, a piece that is built into us, an insatiable desire to feel beautiful. loved. appreciated. unique. 

Girls feel beautiful when handsome men tell them that they are. They feel beautiful when they are in sexy dresses with expensive jewelry and lots of makeup. Perfectly manicured nails and curled hair. They feel beautiful when they travel to far off places and go to fancy parties. 

Or at least, that's what the world wants us to think that beauty is. 

But beauty is a little more tender than sexy dresses and handsome men and far off places. 

Beauty is something that has to be found, not created. 

It's in the moments you are doing what you love. It's in the moments that are small, but victorious.

For me, it's in the moments that I am sweaty and gross and completely unattractive, after running 3 miles.
It's coming home from a hike or a camping trip, with tangled, frizzy hair, covered in dirt, and smelling like sweat and smoke.
It's when I am surrounded by happy people, doing absolutely nothing, nowhere important.
When I am laughing.
When I am working.
When I am serving.
Loving. Helping. Getting dirty.

The moments that am particularly the quite opposite of glamorous, in very plain places, are when I find beauty. When I am in nature. When I am doing something I love. When I feel accomplished.

We don't say that a landscape isn't beautiful or complete because it doesn't have trees. Or because there is no ocean.
We don't curse the blue of the sky because it isn't always the orange and maroon colors of sunset.
We don't tell the peacock that it isn't majestic, because it isn't a lion. Or the lion that it is too ferocious and needs to be more like the mouse.

Beauty isn't something that we can fabricate. It's something that happens. True, inner beauty, is more attractive than any far off adventure or expensive fairytale. It's something here. Something now. Something so unique and perfect that only you can find it for yourself. No one can give it to you, and no one can take it away. So work for it. Keep it. Treasure it.

Make beauty yours. 

just mean it

Dear Future Husband,

don't win me with words.

If you really think I'm beautiful, that's nice. I do like to hear that, but only tell me if you mean it. only tell me you love me... if you are sincere.

I don't want the empty space that comes after those words, when there is no action to back it up. I don't want the waiting, when I get my hopes up because you said such flattering words, and didn't mean them. Not if I know you are saying those same words to so many other girls at the same time. It's a little disenchanting to be honest.

When I feel beautiful, it will be because I know I am. When I feel confidant, I worked to get there.

I am done with empty promises. I am done with words. I am done with flattery and compliments.

The way it happens in the movies, you can get away with anything if only you have the right words to say. If you can smooth talk her, and make her swoon a little, sneak in an unwarranted kiss... you've got it made. That's all it takes.

But this future wife of yours is going to be a little harder to get than that, because she's learned.

When I was growing up, my dad taught me to show him what I meant, by backing it up with action. If I loved him, and I meant it, I would do as he asked.
If you love me, that's all I ask. Show me. Your actions, I promise, will speak louder than your words. They will last longer, and will mean so much more to me.

And by the way, that doesn't mean flowers or chocolate. Though I will graciously accept the gifts and be grateful for them (dark chocolate and daisies are my favorite in case you wanted to know), but make sure that you mean them. Make sure that they are not a facade. Because I'm done with fake. I'm done with superficial, stereotypical, and shallow. I'm done with the smooth talk, and the show. The act won't be enough.
But that is how I know you will be worth it in the end.

Thank you for listening to my rants, especially when they are a little ridiculous.
I love you.

Love,
Your future wife, (that is sorry she got a little irritated today)